Single, Sober & Stuffed at Christmas

So have you met anyone yet? When are you going to find a nice guy and settle down?

Are you still partying these days? You don’t know when to stop ya mad thing!

If I had a quid for every time I heard these I’d be quids in! Yes I know people don’t mean any harm, most of the time it is all said out of love and banter, but there is some truth behind it.

My singleness has almost become another point of identification reference for people and myself, nearly like a personal badge of honour along with me aiming for the 90% sober badge.

I suppose over the years alcohol was my relationship, especially at the weekends when my time was my own and I didn’t have any self awareness towards my emotional infancy.

Alcohol was my buddy that turned out not always to be the best of buddies many times, I’ve made some of my best decisions when drunk but mostly my worst when drunk!

Look, I had a blast, many many crazy fun nights on sauce and scene throughout the years, and in some sort of crazy way alcohol allowed me to sit with my emotional pain for years until I had the maturity to be able to process in a much healthier way.

I have plant medicines, Kambo and many many personal development therapies to thank for that but more on those on another day.

My singleness has become a coping mechanism over the years, I did venture into a whirlwind romance thinking that we were set for life, it obviously ended otherwise I wouldn't be writing this now!

Again my emotional infancy and unhealthy relationship with alcohol was a major factor, it was my go to when shit hit the fan, I didn’t want to think at that moment or I just wanted to escape my present mental state at the time.

It is obviously a lie to oneself, we can never fully escape and in doing so we make it so much worse for ourselves when we actually sober up again!!! So not fair haha

For the past 6 yrs I have chosen to spend Christmas day on my own, this started when I just found it all too overwhelming and needed to be alone, now it has become my ritual and something I generally look forward to.

I spend Xmas eve with one side of the family, boxing day with the other side, leaving Xmas day for me to get stuffed in whatever way I see fit!